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The Sound of Silence

THE SHADOW PARTS

15 October 2014

thesoundofsilencelargeAs today is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day it seems appropriate to repost this interview Rhiza Press did with me about The Sound of Silence and my experience of editing the anthology.

The Sound of Silence is an anthology of 22 women’s stories of miscarriage. Described by Parenting Express as an ‘achingly beautiful collection’, the anthology has garnered praise from organisations like SIDS and Kids and TLC Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Australia. Even Birth Psychology, the journal of the Association for Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health, USA, had this to say: This book is recommended for anyone who has experienced a miscarriage, but more importantly, for anyone working with childbearing families and others in society who have not experienced a miscarriage. No one can read this book and not gain a deeper understanding the impact an early pregnancy loss can have. It is seldom ‘just a miscarriage’…The Sound of Silence takes the reader through what can often be the shadow parts of this journey in a deeply moving and honest way. We all can benefit from the wisdom and experience of the stories captured and shared here. This book is a very good addition to the library of anyone drawn to the field of prenatal and perinatal psychology.

As the book continues to help men and women through their experiences of pregnancy loss, we spoke with The Sound of Silence’s Editor, Irma Gold.

What was your original inspiration behind bringing this book together?
When I was 12 weeks pregnant with my third baby I miscarried. The loss felt huge, and in processing my grief I wanted to talk and talk and talk. But I quickly realised that it wasn’t a subject most people felt comfortable discussing. Because I’m a writer and editor, an anthology of miscarriage stories seemed like an obvious thing to do. I wanted to break the silence that surrounds miscarriage. And I wanted to offer other women some support in the only way I knew how. But something else happened, too.

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As I immersed myself in this project, as I surrounded myself with others’ heartbreaking stories, I found myself letting go. My miscarriage was over four years ago now. I had to look back at an old diary to work that out. It’s a marker of how I no longer feel sadness. But I know this is also partly because since then I have had another baby. That fourth pregnancy was tough. There was so much love and so much worry. I remember reading submissions for The Sound of Silence — so many of them — while I was pregnant with him. I was grateful to be far enough along that I could feel him kicking. Otherwise I think fear may have consumed me.

That baby is now a gorgeous three year old and I can’t imagine life without him. Without my miscarriage, he would never have been. That’s a strange thought. I find that Clare McHugh’s words in her story ‘Unexpected’ now resonate more fully: ‘There is no use fighting losses, not even fighting to understand them. Only acceptance and gratitude for the rest.’ And I do feel that. Enormous gratitude for the family I have. And also gratitude for all those strong women and men that I have met through The Sound of Silence. That’s a gift that our lost baby gave me.

What has been the most encouraging moment since the release of the book?
There have been so many; every time someone takes the time to email me or comes up to tell me why the book has been important to them or someone they know. Many readers have shared their own stories with me which has been both moving and humbling. And comments like this one from reader Charmain mean everything: ‘I have just sat and read this book from cover to cover! As a mum of two (six, including my angel babies) these stories touched my heart and soul in a way that no other books about pregnancy loss have.’

Perhaps I can share one of the many stories that was related to me. One lady gave a copy to her son and daughter-in-law who had had several miscarriages and no children yet. This couple talked to no one about their miscarriages. On receiving The Sound of Silence the daughter-in-law put it on a shelf and didn’t look at it. It wasn’t until two months later that she opened the book and read every story. She then thanked her mother-in-law for the gift — no easy acknowledgment — and asked her to pass on her thanks to all the writers. She felt unable to discuss her miscarriages with those around her, but the women in The Sound of Silence spoke to her from the page, offering comfort.

What has surprised you the most about the book’s reception?
I was both surprised and delighted when The Sound of Silence won the ACT Writing and Publishing Award for Non Fiction. I didn’t expect that at all. A book about miscarriage seemed such an unlikely winner. But it was the judges’ comments that I found most heartening. They wrote: The Sound of Silence was the stand-out winner on every level. This book proved to be compellingly readable, boasted good production design and evidenced careful, respectful editing. Although neither of the judges initially expected to be taken by this volume, both ultimately found it absorbing and uplifting. The writing was of the highest quality and deserves a readership well beyond its niche market. In short: An inspirational book and a clear winner.

It wasn’t the praise that struck me most, though of course that was gratifying, it was the fact that both judges shied away from the idea of a miscarriage anthology (one of the judges later told me that they deliberately left it until last because they couldn’t face reading about such a sad subject) and yet when they finally picked it up they found it ‘absorbing and uplifting’. That was the real win.

I have since discovered that others have had a similar reaction. Those who have experienced miscarriage have sometimes approached the book with reservations about the way it might potentially affect them. As one reader wrote: ‘I have just finished reading The Sound of Silence. I must admit it sat on my bedside table for a couple of days before I found the courage to open it. I was anxious about the emotions it might stir up within me. It is a brilliant book, it allowed me to realise I am not alone in my grief and the feelings I experienced are so normal.’

So my hope for this book is that both women and men will continue to find The Sound of Silence when they need it and have the courage to dive in.

This interview was originally published by Rhiza Press here. The Sound of Silence can be purchased online here (e-book also available).

TREASURES AT THE CBCA CONFERENCE

20 May 2014

Last weekend at the CBCA Conference was one of the most wonderful experiences I have had yet as a writer. I met old friends and new, had wonderful conversations with intelligent, creative people, ate dinner in the War Memorial under the fighter planes, met so many inspiring teacher librarians passionate about reading, drank lots of bad coffee, was part of the ‘Local Treasures’ panel where we spoke about the crazy juggling act of being both a writer and a mother (more on that in another post), and laughed and laughed and laughed. I’m still trying to process everything that happened and have no idea how to capture it all in just one short post. So I thought that I would pick out some of the featured authors and share a few of my favourite books.

Glenda Millard_Tracey Hawkins_Michael Gerard Bauer_Irma Gold_Tania McCartney

Glenda Millard, Tracey Hawkins, Michael Gerard Bauer, Irma Gold, Tania McCartney

I have to start with Glenda Millard because I was a little star struck meeting her. In person she was beautiful — gently spoken, dressed in bold colours. Two of her picture books in particular have been treasured favourites in our house — Heart of the Tiger, which always makes me want to weep,  and Kaito’s Cloth which was Miss Ten’s favourite book for the longest time and still sits on her bookshelf despite the fact that she says she is far too old for picture books. Kaito’s Cloth was also important to me after I was told by both a publisher and an agent that they couldn’t sell Megumi and the Bear ‘because of its snowy setting’. At the time we were reading Kaito’s Cloth daily; it has snow on every page. If Glenda can do it, I thought, so can I. Thankfully the incomparable Walker Books agreed. I was too shy to tell Glenda how much she has inspired me at the conference, but maybe next time.

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During one plenary session Glenda and Stephen Michael King spoke about their collaborative process. I adore Stephen’s work — seriously ADORE! — and they clearly have a very special relationship. Glenda explained how when she is writing a book and thinking about the illustrations she has ‘no idea what I’m desiring, I just know that they’re Stephen’s’. Their latest picture book, The Duck and the Darklings, is extraordinary — for adults as much as children.

I missed most of Libby Gleeson and Freya Blackwood talking about their process because I was doing post-panel stuff (signing books, etc), but I adore their work, separately and together. I recently went to a workshop with Libby and she handed us all a copy of her first picture book, One Sunday. Master Two has been inseparable from it ever since. Even if we are just driving five minutes to pick up the older kids from school, One Sunday has to come. We almost left it at a café and it just missed being dropped into a puddle. Thankfully it has survived, unscarred, and is read daily.

For Freya my pick is going to be The Terrible Suitcase. All her illustrations are to-die-for but this is Emma Allen’s (incredible) debut book and I met Emma for the first time this weekend, having no idea that she was a local girl. Like me she has young children and is juggling lots of balls. I can’t wait to see what she creates next.

Julie Vivas spoke candidly about developing her illustrations and about how she is ‘always disappointed in herself’ when she finishes a book because she can see where she could have done better.  Freya Blackwood related, revealing that she thinks some of her books are terrible and she’s glad people haven’t noticed. I can’t imagine which books Freya could possibly consider terrible, but I understand the mindset, as I’m sure all creative people do. Freya believes she has only created one perfect book, Amy and Louis (with Libby Gleeson). Vivas named Possum Magic as her most successful achievement.

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Bob Graham’s desk, recreated at CMaG

I’m not going to pick one Bob Graham book (a seriously impossible task) but instead encourage you to go to a mind-blowing retrospective of his work at CMaG. The conference crew went along to opening night and I’m going to go again with my kids. The exhibition is on until August and I would encourage you all to visit. I particularly loved the recreation of Bob’s working space, complete with paints, pencils and post-it notes.

Illustrator of over 100 books, Robert Ingpen was scheduled to appear at the conference but sadly had to cancel. Nevertheless his latest with author Jane Jolly, Tea and Sugar Christmas, was launched there. It is such an evocative book that I had the good fortune to edit. The story is woven around the train that serviced settlements along the Nullarbor Plain during the 1900s, and has a young Indigenous girl, Kathleen, as the main protagonist — such a rarity. Jane got a shock when she first saw Robert’s illustrations. Without knowing it, he had drawn a girl who looked exactly like a student Jane once taught. The launch itself held another surprise when author Phil Cummings — a long-time friend of Jane’s — announced that his brother used to drive the Tea and Sugar train and one of his mates handed out the tea and sugar. Phil had never previously thought to mention this to Jane!

In a funny way Kathleen leads me to Nadia Wheatley’s My Place, which at the time of its release was seen as a radical book. It is now a school staple, but during the 1988 bicentennial—when we were celebrating an invasion — Nadia’s book was seen to be unAustralian. The depiction of migrants and Indigenous people in picture books was controversial.

Nadia Wheatley Christina Booth Stephanie Owen Reeder Sheryl Gwyther Irma Gold Tania McCartney

Nadia Wheatley, Christina Booth, Stephanie Owen Reeder, Sheryl Gwyther, Irma Gold, Tania McCartney

In fact, My Place won one award under a category for ‘migrants, Aborigines and girls’ which was designed to encourage the publication of these neglected subjects. On hearing this news the audience collectively gasped, and yet the reality is that these three categories are still underrepresented, even that of girls because the accepted view is that boys won’t read books about girls. We still have a long way to go.

Michael Gerard Bauer is beloved by Master Seven. When he found out that I had met Michael he immediately sat down and wrote him a card (complete with illustrations). I was given strict instructions to deliver it the following day. Michael subsequently wrote Master Seven some lovely messages on one of his Eric Vale books and a laminated cover proof of the next yet-to-be-released Secret Agent Derek ‘Danger’ Dale book. Needless to say Master Seven was beside himself. He spent the evening copying the cover and then, in the absence of Michael’s story, wrote his own!

Another of Master Seven’s idols, Andy Griffiths presented on humour in children’s books and how adults often don’t ‘get’ the things kids find funny. By way of example he mentioned Barky the Barking Dog from the treehouse books. All three of my kids think Barky is utterly hilarious and having just been to the 13 Storey Treehouse at the Playhouse, that very night they were telling my parents all about Barky. As if to prove Andy’s point, my dad was utterly baffled: ‘Why is this funny?’ and yet my three kids (aged three to ten) kept dissolving into fits of giggles trying to explain what Barky does (barks at things, of course). The treehouse series has captivated kids everywhere, and we are counting down until 52 Storey comes out.

I’m going to finish with one of my favourite people who I finally got to meet, Choechoe Brereton. Choe was one of 22 authors in an anthology of miscarriage stories that I edited, The Sound of Silence (2011). We’ve been emailing ever since and her debut picture book, A House for Donfinkle (coincidentally published by Walker Books, so we are now publishing house buddies) was launched at the conference. Choe is a gorgeous person and this is a gorgeous book illustrated by Wayne Harris. Do yourself a favour and check it out.

I haven’t even mentioned Jackie French, Morris Gleitzman, Barry Jonsberg,  Brownyn Bancroft, Belinda Murrell, Sally Murphy or my panel posse (Tania McCartney, Tracey Hawkins and Stephanie Owen Reader) to name just a few of our most glittering treasures, but here I must end (for now — ramblings on our Motherhood and Mayhem session to come). In short, it was a glorious weekend and massive congratulations must go to the team who pulled together such an inspiring event.

A good year

15 December 2012

thesoundofsilencelargeTWO STEPS FORWARDLast Thursday the annual ACT Writing and Publishing Awards were held in the Mercure Hotel and I had two books shortlisted in two categories. The Sound of Silence for Nonfiction and Two Steps Forward for Fiction. Pretty nice, huh?

First up was the announcement of the Nonfiction Award. An anthology about miscarriage seemed an unlikely winner, but win it did. The judges said: ‘The Sound of Silence was the stand-out winner on every level. This book proved to be compellingly readable, boasted good production design and evidenced careful, respectful editing. Although neither of the judges initially expected to be taken by this volume, both ultimately found it absorbing and uplifting. The writing was of the highest quality and deserves a readership well beyond its niche market. In short: An inspirational book and a clear winner.’

Their assessment recognises so many aspects of the book. For me, editing The Sound of Silence was a privilege. Many of the 22 writers had not previously been published, but they worked with me through the lengthy editing process with such grace and enthusiasm. This award acknowledges their strength and courage in telling stories that will help others affected by miscarriage.

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Having collected my award (including a Paperchain Bookstore voucher that has already disappeared), it was straight onto the announcement of the fiction category. This time Two Steps Forward didn’t win, but the judges’ comments were generous nevertheless. They said: ‘A strong point of this anthology is the characters, who were beautifully drawn in a lyrical and evocative style. It would be interesting to see how this writer would develop characters over a longer work. The pace is well maintained, with each story engaging, fresh and avoiding sameness in plot, although the overall sadness is a hallmark. Each story is a complete experience on its own, and this writer has a distinctive, lyrical style that is a standout.’

Nigel Featherstone took out the award for his novella Fall on Me, and I couldn’t have ‘lost’ to a more lovely and deserving person. Inverted commas are necessary because nothing felt like losing that night; it was wins all round.

What with these awards, Two Steps Forward being shortlisted for SPUNC’s inaugural Most Underrated Book Award, and publication of The Invisible Thread, 2012 has been a good year. I think a celebratory glass of champagne is in order.

The winning and shortlisted authors (L-R): Fiona Hamer, Nigel Featherstone, Irma Gold, Tracey Hawkins, Hazel Hall, Ann Villiers. Photo courtesy of the ACT Writers Centre.

The winning and shortlisted authors (L-R): Fiona Hamer, Nigel Featherstone, Irma Gold, Tracey Hawkins, Hazel Hall, Ann Villiers. Photo courtesy of the ACT Writers Centre.

UP FOR AN AWARD

25 November 2012

thesoundofsilencelargeA lovely bit of news. The Sound of Silence has been shortlisted for the ACT Writing and Publishing Awards (Nonfiction). A big thank you to the 22 women who so bravely shared their stories of miscarriage and prevailed with me through the lengthy editing process. It seems it was all worth it. Given that miscarriage is a subject that is not openly discussed it’s great to have another platform to bring the book to the public’s attention. The award winners will be announced in December. Keep your fingers crossed for us! You can read more about the book here.

This collection of stories is achingly beautiful.  Parenting Express

Deeply moving and honest…We all can benefit from the wisdom and experience of the stories captured and shared here.  Birth Psychology, journal of the American Association of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQXM1bqywO0

Today is the day

28 June 2012

thesoundofsilencelargeToday is Red Nose Day, a day to raise funds to help to save the lives of babies and support bereaved families of miscarriage, neonatal and infant death. So it seems like an appropriate moment to reflect on how The Sound of Silence, a collection of women’s stories about miscarriage, has been received. It was published nine months ago (I’m sure you see the irony) and the response has been everything we hoped it would be and more.

Editing this book was an emotional experience and the launches in Canberra and Melbourne were unlike any others I have attended. At both of them strangers — women and men, mothers and fathers, grandmothers and sisters — came up to me to tell me their intensely personal stories of loss, the reasons why they had come to these launches to buy this book.

Since then I have received many emails from readers thanking me for the anthology and telling me how it has helped them. These messages have been humbling. Like this one from Charmian:

I have just sat and read this book from cover to cover! As a mum of two (six, including my angel babies) these stories touched my heart and soul in a way that no other books about pregnancy loss have. I experienced miscarriages when none in my circle of friends had, and felt alone as I waded through loss and grief. The final three miscarriages were particularly hard, given they all occurred in seven months. We have not gone on to have more babies, and I still feel my family is not quite complete. Thanks again for this wonderful resource.

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And this one from Justine:

I have just finished reading The Sound of Silence. I must admit it sat on my bedside table for a couple of days before I found the courage to open it. I was anxious about the emotions it might stir up within me. It is a brilliant book, it allowed me to realise I am not alone in my grief and the feelings experienced are so normal.

One of my regrets is that despite our best efforts to encourage submissions from men we did not receive any. Men are often forgotten in the grief of miscarriage, so I was disappointed that we weren’t able to represent their stories and perspectives. It was, however, heartening to receive emails from men, like this one:

Thank you for publishing The Sound of Silence. While it is mostly written for females, it is also an excellent book for (potential) fathers to read as well — some of them also experience similar emotional symptoms when their partner miscarries 🙁

When I wrote a post for Mamamia about the anthology and my own miscarriage it received an overwhelming number of comments. There are so many women and men out there who need to talk about their experiences. Today I’m remembering Rafael, the baby I miscarried at twelve weeks. I no longer feel sad about his loss, but blessed that he was, and is still, a part of our family. I am also thankful for the three beautiful children I was able to bring into this world, and conscious that there are many couples who are not so fortunate. These stories are the ones that break my heart the most.

At the Melbourne launch a woman told me about her daughter who she has watched go through seven pregnancies, none of which have made it to term. As she told me this story, and the emotional toll it has taken on them all, she wept for her daughter and her lost grandbabies. Her story is one of many. If you know someone who has had a miscarriage, who may still be struggling through grief, today is the day to reach out. All it takes is a simple ‘How are you?’ and the willingness to listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQXM1bqywO0